Just a Funny Sign

I just thought this sign was humorous and wanted to share it for anyone who took the same literature class I took.

Funny Cat Meme

I love cats. They're so easy to mock, like this little guy. I can just hear him saying, "Look what I caught all by myself."

Courtesy of Whatsits Galore

Local Bakery Blunder

A bakery in my area gave themselves an interesting name:

I'm all for clever business names, and I get the joke: it's a variation of 'Nothing but cakes.' However, it can be read as if 'nothing' is a description of your bundt cakes. Nothing Bundt Cakes. Not very complimentary when read that way.

So take note, entrepreneurs, and be sure your clever business name can't be taken two ways.

Published by Whatsits Galore.

It's An Art Thing

Published by Whatsits Galore.

Here are some excerpts from actual church bulletins:

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery down stairs.

Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Thursday night: Potluck supper – Prayer and medication to follow.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”. Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”

Ushers will eat latecomers.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson’s sermons.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.

The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.

Free Skit -- North vs. South

Need a short comedy skit for your next event? This little skit about what happens when you cross the Mason-Dixon Line requires only two actors and no props. Read the excerpt:

Waitress: Welcome to the Whistlin' Dixie Diner. Where y'all from?

Customer: What do you mean, all? There's only one of me.

Waitress: That's what I said: y'all. From outta town?

Customer: Yeah, I'm from Nepa (pronounced 'Nee-pa').

Waitress: Sorry, I never heard of there. Is that in Mississippi?

Customer: Nepa...it means northeast PA.

Waitress: Peeyay?

Customer: Pennsylvania.

Waitress: That's away up north, isn't it?

Customer: Yeah. Have you ever been up north?

Waitress: I shore have. I been to North Carolina. Whatch'all doin' down her in...seeky? That's southeast Kentucky. I made that up just now.

See the rest of the skit.

Getting Past Star Wars Immigration

There is a very funny skit on youtube by Foil Arms and Hog in which Darth Vader quizzes a couple of hopeful space immigrants. Because the video also contains a discussion of their comedy tour, I decided to reproduce the Star Wars questions and answers here, though you can certainly view the original video if you prefer.

And, yes, there is a mistake: Yoda does not appear in a Star Wars movie until The Empire Strikes Back. In any case, enjoy.

Name the evil empire that has taken over the galaxy.

Disney.

Name the fluffy, hairy creature that is friends with Han Solo.

George Lucas.

Where are the great lightsabers forged?

Temu.

Along with the Ewoks, what supported Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi?

A gold bikini.

What Force holds the Star Wars universe together?

CGI.

Why are my Stormtroopers so easily killed?

They brought a gun to a sword fight.

Count from one to nine in George Lucas.

4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8,9

Why was Rey so eagerly pursued by the First Order?

Because everyone loves a scavenger hunt.

Whose hands were destroyed in the prequels?

Darth Maul's makeup artist.

For what momentous event do the characters of The Alliance regroup?

ComicCon.

What evil in A New Hope almost destroyed the entire galaxy for good?

Yoda impressions.

Name the craft used by Harrison Ford in the movies that was notably absent in the prequels.

Acting.

When was the last decent Star Wars movie made?

A long time ago, in a studio far, far away.

How do you keep Star Wars fans happy?

You make the new movies different but also exactly the same.

The First Robin of Spring

Free Skit: The World's Oldest Girl Scout

Need a short comedy skit for your event? Here's one about the oldest Girl Scout in history. Let's see an excerpt:

(Scout 1 holds up rope with knot)

Leader: Not a bad half hitch.

(Scout 2 holds up rope with knot)

Leader: Very nice sheepshank.

(Myrtle holds up knitting)

Myrtle: It's a granny knot.

You can see more free skits like this at Whatsits Galore.

The Meme Team -- The Bat Cave

This isn't a new meme, but it's a great one:

Scary Sign

Disney Characters Walking on a Treadmill

I suppose I'm easily amused, especially by anybody dressing up in Disney costumes, but I found this video highly entertaining. If anything, the final one is worth the time it takes to watch it all the way through.

You can find it on youtube.

First Image Leak of VW's Self-Driving Car

Thanks to Guns 'n' Bacon for this great meme.

Free Skit -- Trial and Error

There's sure to be disorder in the court when you perform this comical skit. Here is an excerpt:

Lawyer 1: (stands) I object! Those answers must be rehearsed. Nobody could be that dumb.

Minnie: I can, too!

Lawyer 2: I object! The prosecutor is calling me a liar!

Lawyer 1: Well, I object to your fashion sense!

Lawyer 2: Well, I object to your objection!

Judge: (bangs gavel) Enough!

Read the whole skit.

Funny Biscuit Mix Package Label

Here's a look at an actual, though illogical, package of biscuit mix. Note the contradictory statements on the back of the bag.

How Rankin/Bass Should've Done It -- a Rudolph Meme

A Visit From Microsoft -- Night Before Christmas Parody

'Twas a week before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a sound could be heard but the click of a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that new cell phones would soon fill them there.

The children were nestled, all snug in their beds,
While visions of Playstations danced in their heads.

My hubby in his PJs had gone off to sleep,
While I stayed awake with a promise to keep.

Only days left, I knew I'd have to get hopping
If I wanted to finish all my Christmas shopping.

Away to my Windows I flew like a flash,
Hoping for once my hard drive wouldn't crash.

More rapid than DSL the menus they came,
And I surfed and I clicked and I entered my name.

Now Best Buy, Now Walmart, Now Lowe's and Amazon,
On eBay, on Staples, on Target.com.

To the top of each page, to Google once more,
To max out my Visa and my credit score.

When what to my poor bloodshot eyes should appear
But an error message, and much worse, I fear.

And out of the hard drive arose such a clatter,
I couldn't imagine just what was the matter.

The browser was frozen, the keyboard was dead,
It wasn't responding, and boy, I saw red.

And what did my wondering eyes then behold
But my sleepy-eyed, freckle-faced seven-year-old.

He was dressed in a tee shirt and Spider-Man shorts,
And he looked like a doll out of FAO Schwartz.

"I fell out of bed," he said with a frown.
"Whatsamatter, Mom, is the computer down?"

He spoke not a word but went straight to the work.
He de-bugged and de-fragged and I felt like a jerk.

"All fixed, Mom," he said as quick as a wink.
Then yawning he added, "Can I have a drink?"

Don't forget this advice. I know I never did.
For the very best tech help, just ask a kid.

Getting Rid of Gophers

A friend sent me this video. I have no idea who the man is, but he's trying to exterminate the gophers in his backyard by pouring gasoline down their hole and then tossing in a lighted match. It takes him three tries to ignite the gas, so be patient--the result is worth the wait.

Oh, Waiter! -- a Short Comedy Skit For Sale

A new skit for three actors (male or female) is now for sale at Skits 'n' Bits.

A harried waiter just can't please these two customers. Here is an excerpt:

2nd Customer: Oh, Waiter.

(Waiter walks over)

2nd Customer: Why does this hamburger taste so bad?

Waiter: When I asked if you wanted it well done, you said no.

1st Customer: Oh, Waiter.

(Waiter walks over)

1st Customer: I saw you! You put your thumb on my pork chop!

Waiter: Well, do you want it to fall on the floor again?

2nd Customer: Oh, Waiter.

(Waiter walks over)

2nd Customer: This bread is stale.

Waiter: That's funny, it was okay last week.

Funny Cat Video

I don't know whose cat this is, but, like most cats, it enjoys looking down on the world from a high perch. Only this kitty has come up with a really novel way to get down. Watch and see.