Free Skit -- North vs. South

Need a short comedy skit for your next event? This little skit about what happens when you cross the Mason-Dixon Line requires only two actors and no props. Read the excerpt:

Waitress: Welcome to the Whistlin' Dixie Diner. Where y'all from?

Customer: What do you mean, all? There's only one of me.

Waitress: That's what I said: y'all. From outta town?

Customer: Yeah, I'm from Nepa (pronounced 'Nee-pa').

Waitress: Sorry, I never heard of there. Is that in Mississippi?

Customer: Nepa...it means northeast PA.

Waitress: Peeyay?

Customer: Pennsylvania.

Waitress: That's away up north, isn't it?

Customer: Yeah. Have you ever been up north?

Waitress: I shore have. I been to North Carolina. Whatch'all doin' down her in...seeky? That's southeast Kentucky. I made that up just now.

See the rest of the skit.

Free Skit: The World's Oldest Girl Scout

Need a short comedy skit for your event? Here's one about the oldest Girl Scout in history. Let's see an excerpt:

(Scout 1 holds up rope with knot)

Leader: Not a bad half hitch.

(Scout 2 holds up rope with knot)

Leader: Very nice sheepshank.

(Myrtle holds up knitting)

Myrtle: It's a granny knot.

You can see more free skits like this at Whatsits Galore.

Free Skit -- Can Do: A Wartime Rationing Tale

During the war, food rationing was a fact of life. Our story tells about a couple trying to make the best of it. Here's a sample:

She: The store was having a special today on cans without labels. Only ten cents a can!

He: Cans without labels? Who sells cans without labels?

She: Sometimes the labels fall off, and they can't sell them at the regular price. So they discount them. Isn't that great?

He: I guess it is. So, what are we having?

She: Well, that's the thing. I don't know yet. Without the labels, nobody knows what's in the cans. But whatever it is, it's dinner.

He: This I gotta see.

Read the whole skit.

Free Skit -- Rosie the Riveter

This skit has a World War II theme, showcasing the women who joined the workforce while the men were at war, though with a humorous twist. Here is an excerpt:

Manager: Now that all the men have been called to active duty, I'm in charge. It's our contribution to the war effort to keep things running around here. We're glad to have you aboard, but first we'll have to fill out some paperwork. Name?

Rosie: Rosie Rosenthall.

Manager: (repeats while writing it down) Rosie...Rosenthall... and where were you before you came here?

Rosie: I was at home. Then I took the bus to get here.

Manager: I mean, where did you work last?

Rosie: I worked at a travel agency, but I quit because I was going nowhere. Then I worked at a used boat lot.

Manager: Motor boats?

Rosie: No, I was in charge of sails.

Manager: We're looking for reliable people who aren't afraid of hard work.

Rosie: That's me. Reliable is my middle name.

Manager: (slowly, while writing it down) Rosie...Reliable...Rosenthall.

Read the whole skit.

Free Skit: Mom's Day Out

This is a quick skit you can perform for free. See what happens when Mom leaves the kids alone for a few days. Here is an excerpt:

Mom: What did you have? Something healthy, I hope.

Big Sis: We weren't that hungry, so I just made vegetables. We had potatoes.

Little Sis: She means potato chips.

Big Sis: And beans.

Little Sis: Jelly beans.

Big Sis: And corn.

Little Sis: Candy corn.

Mom: That's good. I want you to limit how much junk food you two eat.

Big Sis: I did limit the junk food.

Little Sis: Limited to the amount your stomach can hold without barfing.

Read the whole skit.

Free Skit -- Job Fair

A job fair is a great place to begin a new career. Except when three hopeful applicants are hopelessly without a clue. Here's an excerpt:

Gertrude: Let's start with some basic questions. Julianne, do you live in this town?

Julianne: Oh, yes.

Gertrude: Length of residence?

Julianne: About one acre.

Sue: And I live...

Gertrude: Wait, please.

Sue: A hundred and eight pounds.

Julianne: I can't believe you interrupted the interviewer!

Minnie: I can't believe you weigh a hundred and eight pounds!

Read the entire skit...

Free Skit -- Road Trip

As we enter vacation season, it's time for a Family Road Trip. Here's an excerpt:

Kid 2: I'm bored.

Mom: Already?

Kid 1: Hey, sis, let's arm wrestle.

Mom: Not in the car! Play something less violent, like Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Kid 1: Okay. (Brandishes rock) Let me win or I'll clobber you.

Kid 2: (Brandishes sheet of paper) Nuh-uh, paper beats rock.

Kid 1: You can't hurt me with that wimpy piece of paper.

Kid 2: Oh, yeah? Ever get a paper cut? More...

Free Skit -- Handy Dandy Handymen

How hard can it be to fix a washing machine? You don't want to know. But if you do, here is an excerpt:

Mrs. H: What's the prognosis?

Mandy: Not good, I'm afraid. It is my sad duty to inform you that, in my professional opinion, this machine is unfixable. You'll have to buy a new toaster.

Mrs. H: Toaster?!? Is that what you think this is? It's a washer!

Candy: It is? Are you sure?

Mrs. H: Of course I'm sure!

Sandy: Well, that's different. I'm sure we can fix it.

Mrs, H: I thought you were professionals.

Mandy: We are! We've been in the handyman--

(Candy gives Mandy an elbow to the ribs)

Candy: Woman!

Mandy: ..handy-woman business for over 15 years! Our motto is, "If it ain't broke...it soon will be." More...

Free Skit -- The Help Desk

We've added a new free skit about the world's most helpful department store help desk. Here is an excerpt:

Customer 1 : Does this store have free wifi?

Help Desk: Yes, but you'll need the password.

Customer 1: So, what's the wifi password?

Help Desk: You have to make a purchase first.

Customer 1: Okay, okay, charge these socks to my credit card.

Help Desk: Done. Thank you very much.

Customer 1: Now what's the password.

Help Desk: You-have-to-make-a-purchase-first. All caps, no spaces. More...

Free Skit -- Good Deed For the Day

Here's a short comedy skit about a Scout seeking to do his Good Deed For the Day. Read an excerpt:

Scout: Excuse me, ma'am, let me help you.

(Scout takes Lady's arm and pulls Lady across stage)

Lady: What do you think you're doing?

Scout: I'm doing my good deed for the day. I just helped you across the street.

Lady: Yes, and made me miss my bus! I wasn't trying to cross the street! More...

Free Skit -- The Hold-Up

We've added a new free skit. All you'll need are 2 actors, a toy gun, and some play money. Here is an excerpt:

Mugger Wait a minute--this dollar looks weird.

Victim Oh, yeah. It's play money. From a Monopoly set.

Mugger You gave me fake money?

Victim I hope you're not mad.

Mugger Well, I guess it's okay, since this is a phony gun. More...

Free Skit -- Art For Pete's Sake

Your church or scout group can put on this short comedy skit for free. Here is an excerpt:

Patron 1: It's a black spot on a white canvas.

Patron 2: Oh, it's much more than that. It's the artist's way of expressing loneliness. The spot is very significant. It's a representation of himself looking out on a vast, empty world. It's really a scathing commentary on our impersonal society.

Patron 1: All that from just a black dot!

Janitor: Excuse me.

(Janitor wipes off spot with a rag)

Patron 1: That spot was significant, all right. More...

Free Skit: PC Christmas Caroling

Maybe you've heard the Completely Non Offensive Politically Correct Holiday Song by Brad Paisley and the Kung Pao Buckaroos. Well, we've turned it into a skit you can perform at your next Christmas party. Here is an excerpt:

1st Caroler: And boring. Forget that song. Let's sing "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day."

2nd Caroler: I told you...you can't say 'Christmas.' Change it.

1st Caroler: To 'I Heard the Bells on Holiday Day?'

2nd Caroler: That's better.

1st Caroler: It's redundant.

2nd Caroler: That's okay. Redundancy isn't offensive.

1st Caroler: Except to English teachers. More...

A Day at the Zoo--a Free Comedy Skit

In this free skit, you will get your chance to hear what those animals in the zoo are really thinking. Here is an excerpt:

Bear: Knock it off, you guys. Here come the tourists. The zoo is officially open, so bear that in mind.

Rabbit: Lame, Bosco, lame.

Bird: Looks like a good crowd today.

Wolf: What a bunch of yokels. Do they always stare like that?

Rabbit: Oh, sure. we're the main attraction. You'll get used to it.

Bear: Actually, it can be fun. After all, they don't have the slightest idea what we're saying. Hey, Mister! Your shirt is ugly!

Rabbit: You have spinach in your teeth!

Bird: How about that lady's hair? I used to have a nest that looked like that.More...

Free Skit: Scout Handbook

When two hikers get lost in the woods, they turn to their handy-dandy scout handbook for advice. Here is an excerpt:

Hiker #1: While you read the manual, I'm going to fill my canteen from that pond.

Hiker #2: Wait! Is that still water?

Hiker #1: I'll check. Yeah, it's still water all right. What else would it be?

Hiker #2: No, I mean still water. The handbook says that running water is safer than still water. Fill your canteen from the creek instead.

Hiker #1: Ooh, berries. I'm starving! We might not find any more food for a while. We'd better pick these.

Hiker #2: Stop! Don't you know some berries are deadly? We'd better check the guidebook to be sure. Hmmm...blueberries, strawberries, logan berries, crunch berries...aha! It says right here that red berries with green dots exhibit lethal levels of toxicity!

Hiker #1: That's okay, as long as they're not poison. More...

Free Comedy Skit: The Perils of Polly--A Musical

A free skit for 4 actors plus a chorus, using familiar tunes. Here is a sample:

Narrator: While Polly and her father lamented their unenviable situation, in slithered Despicable Dan.

Dan: I'm here for the rent money, Farmer Greer.

Greer: I ain't got the money, Despicable Dan.

Dan: Then, I'll just have to take your farm.

Greer: Please, not my farm! It's all I have!

Dan: (to the tune of "Jimmy Crack Corn")

Gimme your farm, and I don't care.

Gimme your farm, and I don't care.

Gimme your farm, and I don't care.

The payment's due today.

More...

A Little Bit of Everything For Sale

You've looked everywhere for that special something for your collection, but you just can't find it. Now try Whatsits Galore's Everything Else page, where you'll find a little bit of everything with a surprise or two thrown in. If it's not an action figure or a book, if it's not Disney or foreign, if it's not a toy or a button, then it's here, along with Everything Else under the sun. Why search anywhere else when you can search Everything Else? More...

Free Comedy Skit: Time and Time Again

Travel through time with the nuttiest professor in this short comedy skit. Here is an excerpt:

Viking: This is the year 997, and you're in Norway.

Scientist: No way!

Viking: That's right.

Scientist: Land of the Vikings! Looks like I overshot Spain by a few miles. And years.

Viking: Just who are you?

Scientist: Ima Crackpot.

Viking: And what's your name?

Scientist: Just call me Ima. And you are...?

Viking: My name is Erika the Red.

Scientist: But your hair's not red.

Viking: I was named after my eyes. More...

Toys For Sale

You stopped playing with toys years ago. Or did you? For those of us who still love and collect toys, Whatsits Galore has toys galore. We have toys you jiggle, toys you juggle, toys you hold at night and snuggle. Whether you love cars, games, or plush, or whatever your collection holds, we stock a variety of toys vintage and modern for the kid in you. And, if you really want to buy something for your children, well, that's okay, too. More...

Free Comedy Skit: The Big Scoop

If you need a short comedy skit for your next event or club meeting, consider this darkly funny tale of a reporter trying to end it all. Here is an excerpt:

Reporter: I bet you're a better doctor than I am a reporter.

Doctor: Oh, yeah? I performed an appendectomy on a patient, and I left a sponge inside him by mistake.

Reporter: Does it cause him much pain?

Doctor: No, but he does get awful thirsty. Besides that, I had my license revoked.

Reporter: What happened?

Doctor: On the death certificate, where it said "Cause of Death," I signed my name.

Reporter: That's terrible.

Doctor: You're right. I'm a total failure. In fact, I'm thinking of jumping off this bridge with you.

More...