Here are some excerpts from actual church bulletins:

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery down stairs.

Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Thursday night: Potluck supper – Prayer and medication to follow.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”. Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”

Ushers will eat latecomers.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson’s sermons.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.

The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.

Bibles for Bulgaria

Last month, the Independent Bible Church of Duryea partnered with The Seedline Project to make and ship Bibles to Bulgaria. While Seedline printed the pages, the entire church worked together to collate, cover, staple, trim, and pack the Bibles for shipment.

It's only the Gospel of John and the Book of Romans, but it's sent free to the missionaries in Bulgaria who give it free to anyone who wants one.

Noah's Ark Wall Mural

Way back in the prehistoric days of 1989, I painted a mural in one of our church's Sunday School rooms. But walls eventually need repainting. So now that it's gone, I would like to preserve its memory with these photos:

Funny Church Signs

All of these signs were absolutely genuine, posted outside various churches:

New Skit: Out of the Mouths of Babes

Whatsits Galore has a new skit for sale about babies in the church nursery. Here is an excerpt:

Lulu: Why don't you tell us about yourself, Wanda? That'll get your mind off things. Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Wanda: What are brothers and sisters?

Jojo: You know, other kids who live in your house.

Wanda: I don't have any of those, but I heard my Dad say that we're going to get another baby.

Lulu: Where are they getting it from? The stork?

Jojo: The stork only brings tiny babies. The heavy ones need a crane.

Wanda: I don't know where we're getting it from. Maybe K-Mart. That's where we got our TV.

Lulu: Yeah, they're probably having a blue light special on siblings.

Mimi: Boy, are you guys dumb! Everybody knows babies come from Babies R Us! Duh!

Lulu: Do you hope its a brother or a sister?

Wanda: I hope its a puppy. More...